"Kiya Khoya Kiya Paaya"

Hi everyone,

Coming from a dinner, Aalia asked her four year old daughter Shahnoor what Baba did for a living. She replied promptly,"He is a heart doctor. He fixes people's hearts". Aalia then asked her what mama did. Shahnoor answered,"You are a cooker. You cook for us all the time". Sohail (her husband) started laughing but Aalia, who has a law degree but does not work as a lawyer, was not amused.

As my oldest told me how she felt, it got me thinking , more like wondering, at what point did we women stop taking pride in what we do? I went back a few generations. My grandmother, who was a rather young widow, lived in a village and educated her sons single handedly. She was well respected in her community for her wisdom and strength and was treated in her home as royalty. That generation of women, I think, were looked upon as the ruling queens of their homes. They stood by their husbands and sons, took pride in their family, and were treated with a degree of respect that we can only imagine getting.

Then it was my mother's generation. The photograph I have attached is my mother on her Walima day surrounded by my aunts. They were smart ladies. They treated their husbands like "sahibs" and in return were pampered by them. They played the game of marriage very well. They collaborated with their in-laws intelligently, kept them on their side, and got rid of all the insecurities a woman could have about her marriage. They would charm their husbands, LET them THINK they were in charge, and in the process got away with a lot. That was "smart generation".

Then came my poor, confused, transitional generation. The ones who tried hard to stick somewhat to their mother's values did not do that bad. But the ones who dove in the pool of "equality at home" without wearing any safety device had to come up for air. We threw the indulgence that our mothers and grandmothers enjoyed as eastern women right out of the window, sometimes for something as trivial as sitting in the front seat of a car with our husbands, while his mother sat in the back (cursing the hell out of us). The role of a serene, elegant, eastern lady that we inherited from our culture was not good enough for us to play, as we mistook our strengths for our weaknesses.

Now comes the next generation. God help us all. What they expect from a husband even SUPERMAN can't do. For some going into a marriage is like going into a war. I suggest these bridezillas put on a armor suit instead of a traditional "lal jora" as they enter the holy matrimony.

I don't know about you, but I think in only a couple of generation's time we as women have lost more than we have gained. How could we ignore the fact that although a man is better at exploiting, a woman is ten times better at manipulating. The notion of "equality" in our heads is often exploited by men in our lives to their benefit. They would "liberate" us as much as would suit them or the situation.

I WILL TAKE YOUR LEAVE NOW BECAUSE I HAVE TO PUT THE TRASH OUT AS MY HUSBAND IS "BUSY" WATCHING CNN.

Much love,

Shehla