"Personal Effects"

"Ho Kajjal Da Ki Pawana

Keh Jera Athru Wagan Rurr Jawey

Kach Da Key Pehnana

Jera Thece Lagey Tutt Jawey

Rung Da Key Lawaran

Keh Jera Boond Pawey Khurr Jawey

Aashiq Noo Key Marnaan

Keh Jera Jherik Dawey Mar Jawey"

Hi everyone,

I have got two eyes that see plenty, that observe plenty, that look away plenty, that dream plenty, that get teary plenty! I have got two legs that walk the walk of life, that walk me in and out of trouble, that walk me away from sadness, that walked me this far in life!

I have got two hands that have washed a number of babies, that have always handled everything and everyone with care, that have washed countless dishes, that have shaped many lives, that have saluted the courageous, that have applauded the kindness, that have washed them off of terrible relationships!

I have got a heart that loves, that gives, that forgives, that hates, that hurts, that doesn't give up, that never gets exploited! I have an attitude that doesn't give a hoot, that has no bars held, that gives back what it receives, that only surrenders to elders, that turns out to be my biggest asset!

I have got a roof over my head that shelters, that provides security to my insecurities, that holds my four walls of protection together. I have a home that has a revolving door, that welcomes everyone, that never tells anyone to leave, that speaks in different languages! 

I have got friends who adore me, who fight over me, who console me, who stand with me, who stand by me, who wipe my tears, who appease as well as dote on me. I have six children who are trying their utmost to live my dreams, who give me plenty to wake up to every single morning, who outsource my charm, who solicit my cooking!

I have got a game changer of a husband who often throws me curveballs (knowing very well that I would catch every single one), who perhaps is the kindest man around, who has never failed me, who has total confidence in me, who challenges my tenacity 24/7!

I have got a mind that goes places it doesn't need to, that knows no jurisdiction, that can play hide and go seek with me when desires, that provides me justification for anything and everything I do!

However, I still have plenty to cross off my bucket list. I have the inevitable to accept, I have tears to hold back, I have to make steps count (no Fitbit), I have denials to face, I have dreams to bury, I have intuitions to prove wrong, I have fifty pounds to lose, I have underdogs to cheer, I have miles to walk, I have relationships to mend, I have relationships to let go, I have kindness to brush up, I have pain to absorb, I have joys to absorb, I have wit to sharpen, I have plenty to learn, I have plenty to teach, I have fears to overcome, I have to find people to look up to, I have to refrain from looking down, I have the world to see with foreign eyes! 

Much love,

Shehla 

"Prism"

"Iss Dil K Dareeda Daman Mein

Dekho To Sahi, Socho To Sahi 

Jiss Jholi Mein Sou chaid howay 

Uss Jholi Ka Phailana Kya 

Insha Ji Utho Ab Kooch Kero Iss Sheher Mein Ji Ko Lagana Kya"

Hi everyone, 

With my 60th birthday only a few months away, I found myself in desperate need to reflect upon so much that has happened and moreso that could have happened. I chose a bright sunny day to pull myself together and to sit comfortably in a small corner of my not so small house, while I dissected myself!

 

Ironically, or perhaps luckily, I still require a restraining order against the inner child in me, who I deal with quite often. One doesn't realize how enigmatic one is until one dares to look through oneself and I was much more enigmatic than I realized I was! It was like looking through a kaleidoscope at the risk of getting vertigo. The different aspects and dimensions of my psyche and the idiosyncratic ways I came up to combat my day to day battles made my head spin. 

At times, I have been so discriminatory and gave myself breaks which I didn't deserve, yet at times have been totally unfair and have held myself accountable for things I didn't do. This human equation of the curve has shrewdly taken control out of my two hands and despite of my shortcomings, has been serendipitous throughout my life. 

The most inestimable lesson I learned was that my lineage, my pedigree, and my creed was of no value and importance to anyone but myself. What was important and of value was how I engineered and executed my days, what I offered in a relationship to others, and how I held on to my pride at a very steep price. Although life has never been unkind to me, it has tested my limits through human as well as inhumane relationships and subsequently has helped me define my limits; perhaps the best way to define your limits!

What is in my 'Jholi' at this moment took me sixty years to accumulate and in fact is at no risk whatsoever of accumulative depreciation! It has my fragile pride, my bruised ego, my pure yet insecure heart, my sensitivities, my humility, my plausible mind (as well as my plausible deniability), my improvisations, my acts of kindness, my salutes to humanity, my efforts to please with great élan, my immunity to arrogance, my determination to stay grounded, my obligations to underdogs, my ability to look away, my precious inner strength, my fearlessness, my zero tolerance for abuse of each and every kind, my standing up to anyone at any cost, my outlandish aspirations, my compassion by default, my fairness by design, my submissions to elders, my resistances to temptations, my confessions to myself, my reclusive days, my uncontrollable tears, my fake smiles, my two eyes that have seen too much, my keen observations, my lost battles, my adamant and uncompromising religious beliefs, my sublime thought process, and last but not least, my infallible poker face!

Just like everyone else I haven't the foggiest idea how long I am going to be around for, but I indubitably know what I want to be remembered for; for my immense courage and for giving up my beautiful and kind children to this enchanting world of virtues and vices! For nothing more for nothing less!

Much love,

Shehla