Hi Everyone,
My son Haroon got married about four years ago and his Walima day was one of the happiest days of my life. When Anila (my daughter-in-law) walked into my home holding Haroon's arm, I went through many emotions in a "blink of an eye" as my heart and mind were collaborating beautifully. I walked up to the handsome couple, hugged Anila, kissed her, and gave her a lot of du'aas. As I was doing that, I caught a glimpse of my son's face from the corner of my eye, and what I saw was a glow of happiness and joy.
That moment was a landmark in their life and my life as well. Haroon saw how joyed I was to see them both looking so happy together (masha Allah). This made me realize that my son needed my blessings more than ever. I don't know what it was but something inside my "being" broke.
As a mother of two boys, Haroon and Hashim, all my life I held a special kind of "love" for them, a kind of love that is unmatched . This is not to say that I have any less for my four beautiful daughters, but the bond of love between a mother and son is one that only she can understand. I often see the same with my husband and how he treats his daughters like princesses, it's a different kind of love than he has towards his sons. I feel that I got this from my own mother, in whose motherly eyes, her two sons could do no wrong.
They were coming back from their honeymoon, and this was the first time Anila set foot in my home as Haroon's wife. If you are a woman you would know, but if you are a man it would be hard for you to understand what it is in a woman's psyche that all through her married life it is very difficult for her to accept a female in her territory. It could be a mother-in law, a "nannd", or a "devarani", and in some cases a freakin' "cleaning lady" is hard to swallow. Then, when she hits her middle age life throws her a curve, (I call it "qudrat") and a beautiful young lady with eyes full of dreams comes through her son's heart and walks right into her "aangan"claiming her territory, and the only thing that woman wants to do is open her arms.
I opened my arms, my home, and my heart for this "doll looking" girl. After all, she lived in my son's heart, and my son lived in mine. The only triangle I loved being a part of was this one. I must say I am a quick study as quite early on I knew I could play a very important, rather most important, role in their transitional stage of life. This was the time when I started bonding with my own mother- in law. Although she passed away, it really doesn't matter as this bonding is always one sided. I started to empathize with her, how she raised her son, gave him good values, sent him to the best institutions despite all adversities and not knowing what the future held for HER. I took a journey inside her mind and heart, learned a lot, and "chose" the role I wanted to play, not the one I "had to" in the life of this newlywed couple.
The best wedding gift I could give my son was a "care free" life, where he doesn't have to deal with an insecure mother. The best gift I could possibly give my daughter-in-law she already had.... my son. Just like my own mother-in-law, I made my heart bigger than I ever imagined I could (don't be surprised if I die due to heart enlargement). I decided to bite my tongue, look the other way, and play deaf and dumb if I had to because I know the stakes are quite high and I can't afford to lose.
Much love,
Shehla
5 comments:
I remember about two years ago someone asked Haroon the following question: "Who do you love more.......Anila or your mother?" And I kid you NOT he couldn't spit out the answer “MY MOTHER” fast enough.
No matter what happens I can NEVER take the place he has for his "mommy" in his heart. With Ariana in the picture now...I think I have moved down from #2 to #3!
Lastly, thank you for welcoming me into your home and heart with open arms. I have never felt like an outsider because not only are you Haroon's 'mommy'...you have also become mine.
I didn't know seeing a son get married was so emotional. I get it for daughters because they're marrying "into" another family, but for sons I didn't think it was as moving. It may have been especially difficult because you have more than your share of daughters already, and then if you throw Anila, Shahnoor and Ariana on top of that it's almost comical.
You will always be #1, 2 and 3 on my list. Anila tried (and Ariana is trying) to get on the Olympic Podium, but you've already got all the medals
Mother, did you give Anila the receipt for your gracious gift? What's the return policy?
I would've written RETURN TO SENDER all over that gift
Aunty! I am Anila's friend from New Orleans. Let me start by saying that Anila is anamored by you. She is always telling me what a wonderful and beautiful person you are, mA. She praises you as well as the family and feels just like a daughter. I truly enjoyed reading your blogs. Parts of it made me cry as I lost my own father to cancer last year. Your description of the 'last hug' with your father literally took me back to the same moment with my own. Other parts made me laugh (the anniversary story) and lastly the "nache mun'de di maa" story honed in on the essence of getting your son married. My own mother has just become a mother in law and seems to live by the tenants that you layed out in your blog. I hope that you publish your work. It is so honest, sincere, and true. Look forward to reading more stories. BTW I am in love with your beautiful grandaughter!!
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