'Pivotal Moments'

"Umre Daraz Mang Key Layey Thay Char Din

Dou Arzoo Mein Kat Gayey Dou Intazaar Mein

Keh Dou In Hasratoun Sey Kahin Aur Jaa Basein 

Itani Jagah Kahaan Hey Dil-e-Daaghdaar Mein" 

When "The days are long, but the years are short", when you have more to reflect on than look forward to, when you can shake more than you can be shaken, when you bend but don't break, when you smile when hurt and cry when happy, when you are alone but never lonely, when you look at your husband and wonder who he is, when you befriend yourself while surrounded by many, when you choose to keep less and want to give more, when you start to see beyond the smiles, when you don't waste your tears, when you are able to harness yourself, when you can communicate through emojis, when you think before you speak, when you are totally taken and have fallen in love with kindness, when your weight outnumbers your IQ in too many ways, when you surrender to none, when you can hear the silence, when you learn to endure pain with ease, when you are able to walk ahead of yourself, when you know what not to do more than what to do, when you manage to retain your indigenous scruples, when you trust no one, when you see exquisiteness in every little thing, when your feet never leave the ground, when you dare not marginalize, when you start to relish your pride, when you let go of the grudges yet hold on to the lessons, when you know very well what to keep and what to let go, when you have been already introduced to and intrigued by the multifaceted you, when you are second to none, when you have chosen and declared your battles, when you are able to acknowledge the nuisance value of fine print, when you blindly start to follow your heart, when you refuse to differentiate between pros and cons, when you are almost done with the odyssey within, when you have carved memories with the double edged sword called time, when you stop looking at risks as risks, when you had sped up your life, when throwing in the towel isn't even an option, when you can handle anything as well as anybody, when you have realized your dreams as well as your nightmares, when you have settled all the scores, when you can treat others with dignity while keeping yours intact, when you finally start to exercise all your fundamental rights; you turn around and start to live your life all over again!!

Much love, 

Shehla

"Sold"

"Qatl Gahoun Sey Chuun Ker Hamerey Alam

Aur Niklein Gey Ushaaq Key Qafley

Jin Ki Rahey Talab Mein Hamarey Qadam

Mukhtasir Ker Chaley Dard Key Fasley

Ker Chaley Jin Ki Khatir Jahan Geer Hum

Jaan Ganwa Key Teri Dilbari Ka Bharam

Hum Jo Tareek Rahon Mein Marey Gayey"

Hi everyone,

We are in the process of downsizing and have put our house on the market. Everyone who comes to see our house finds a different reason not to make us an offer. Our realtor says it's a buyer's market these days. I thought it always was!

Although selling is one of the hardest things to do, we will sell as long as there are buyers! We sell whatever we have and whatever we can! We sell our art, we sell our craft, we sell our dreams, we sell our hearts, we sell our minds and we sure do sell our souls as it's the easiest thing to sell. The going rate for one's soul has been astonishingly low all through my life. 

Human relationships are potentially the biggest equity market for sellers and buyers as well as the nexus for exploitation. They say, and I always believed in this notion, that we compromise to keep relationships. Now I have evolved enough to know better and  have become bold enough to say that more than we compromise we sell ourselves to stay in one. We don't offer our services, we render! There's less of a give and take and more of a buying and selling. The very reason relationships stop working when buying/selling deals falls through. 

Relationships can be brutal! They can take away your freedom to give you a name. They can easily take away your pride to give you a roof on your head. You sell your freedom, you sell your pride, and at times, even your integrity to stay in one and find out that it can be quite inhumane to sustain a human relationship.  

I got up the other day and started to look for commodities in my ordinary life that I could sell in my ordinary world after I successfully sold a pair of shoes on eBay. To my surprise I had plenty to render. I had a pair of sympathetic ears, a pair of compassionate shoulders, a heartwarming smile, unmatched charm, incomparable patience, a few tears here and there, a tender heart, a not so pure soul, and last but not least, my freedom!

Although, we are always on a lookout to get the best deal in anything we need to buy, quite often we sell ourselves short!

Much love,

Shehla 

"Game Changers"

"Ain Ishq Mahi Wali Nehar Wagey

Kai Taryaan Karmaan Walarian

Ik Kojhian Vi Langh Paar Gayian

Khar Rondian Shaklaan Walarian 

Ik Sohnian Dey Mathey Bhag Nahi

Bahroun Laal Tey Androun Kalarian

Ghulam Farid Allah Karam Kerey

Aibaan Walarian Dey Mathey Lalariaan"

Hi everyone,

My admiration for and infatuation with people with a vision is something that's not in my control. I am amazed at how one can go out and solve problems of the world while I can't seem to figure out what goes on in my own head, let alone in my world!

Going through a full blown motherhood for almost 40 years (where I slept like an iguana with one eye open for the first 20) entitles me to be cynical about it but I won't! I believe children are genderless as far as their parents are concerned and that's the way it should be. You worry no less for a son than you do for a daughter, you pray no less for a daughter than you do for a son. To this day I do my best to find a switch in my brain that I can somehow turn off and stop worrying about my children, knowing very well that magical device is yet to be invented. 

 

However when daughters come in to our lives we are more protective, more concerned, more cautious, and always looking out to pick up thorns from the path they choose to walk on.You tell your daughters to be self assured, confident, kind, and compassionate. You tell them to fight life relentlessly, yet with dignity and grace, and always walk away from situations and relationships with their heads held high. The jury is still out on whether we have failed to emphasize that there is bound to be an institution on any path they take, an institution they require to enroll in, an institution that is already on shaky grounds; call it an institution of marriage if you please. 

Everything in life comes with a price but the price for freedom is at times too steep and pretty hard to afford. The very expensive gift called freedom that we give to our daughters is the gift no one else will. We have raised a generation of young ladies, or rather I should say, a generation of game changers who know what they want, when they want, and more so what they don't! Do not hold them in contempt if they haven't entered as yet the mental institution called a marriage. Look up to them as they are fighting life just as hard as our sons are. Give them a break, give them a pat on their backs, give them a du'a if you can, give them a standing ovation if you will, but do not give them an attitude as they will give it right back. 

I thought it was paramount for my daughters to have their father's hand on their heads, I thought it was crucial for my daughters to have their mother's shoulder to cry on. I stand corrected on both counts! More than the guidance and protection they need to have total faith in themselves and The One who created them. After all they are His creations, with innate vulnerabilities, with innate weaknesses and with innate strengths. 

He will take care of them, He will protect them, He will guide them, and He sure will provide for them. This is the promise He gave me when He gave me four daughters and this is the only promise I will hold Him to!

Although "mother knows best", there is someone up there who, with all His magnanimity, undoubtedly knows better!

Much love,

Shehla 

'Scene is On'

"Charhdey Suraj Dhaldey Waikhey

Bujjhey Deevey Baldey Waikhey 

Heerey Da Koi Mull Na Tarey

Khotey Sikkey Chaldey Waikhey"

Hi everyone,

I feel the need to get a pair of Kaleidoscopic glasses to see and appreciate the multi faceted forum that we call Facebook! I jumped on this band wagon five years ago; clearly there was no turning back and those five years of course should be counted in dog years!

It's a great way to communicate, and an even a greater way to accelerate one's narcissistic tendencies. It's a great way to be surrounded by hundreds while alone, and an even greater way to be alone while surrounded by hundreds: The choice is yours!

I have a very weird and somewhat cynical relationship with this nexus of a platform. Like any other relationship it gives you back what you invest in it or more so what you need to find in it and are so desperate for! It gives you really good friends you haven't met and probably never will, it gives you enemies that you perhaps wouldn't dare make in person, it lends you an opportunity to rub elbows with intellectuals you would otherwise never cross paths with. 

I acknowledge the power of social media before I admit the need of human contact. I acknowledge the power of the give and take of a social relationship before I dare enter one. I personally have fought battles on this platform which I needed to, settled some scores which I had to, mended a few much needed relationships that I wanted to, and sharpened my dull and rusty mind which I opted to. 

It has raised the bar quite high as far as the threshold of tolerance is concerned. You learn to dodge bullets, so to speak, you tolerate what you thought you never would, you write words that you never knew you knew, you inhale the compliments and learn to take criticism with a grain of salt.  

Although with me it started as a simple tool to stay in touch with my family back home, I discovered that the world of Facebook is much deeper than I thought it was. You learn to swim with the sharks, you learn to stay afloat, you learn to create illusions, you learn to pull a Houdini, and you most definitely find finds while looking to be found. 

However there are  quite a few catches to this forum as well. It exposes you to the chosen few in way too many ways, it exposes your disabilities as well as your abilities, it exposes your self-inflated IQ in a couple of interactions, it favors you by exposing you to your own self. What this forum has most of all though is the ability to brutally put you in your place and humble you down. 

Now it's a staple and fun activity of my daily routine. I would hate to admit it but at times I remind myself of a phenomenal busybody from any given neighborhood, on any given day, who gets up each  morning, goes around in the neighborhood, feels no need to knock, nor for an invitation, gets tidbits of gossip from each household and then goes on to have a field day. 

Once I learned to play this game right, once I started to see beyond myself, once I let go of my ego and swallowed my pride, once I checked in my shrewdness, once I learned to manage my sensitivities, I for one discovered on this platform many intellectual minds, many fragile hearts, many pure souls and plenty of vulnerability and humanity to go around!

At the end of each day, one's diligence and earnest effort to stay connected with one's world is what it's all about!

Much love,

Shehla

"Home Court Advantage"

"Dasht-e-tanhai Mein

Ay Janay Jahan Larzaan Hein

Teri Awaz Key Sayey

Teray Hoton Key Saraab

Dasht-e- tanhai Mein

Doori Key Khaso Khaak Talay

Khil Rahay Hain Teri Pehloo Key Saman

Aur Gulab"

Hi everyone,

I was never a good photographer and never will be but iPhones these days have made taking photos so easy and foolproof that I often indulge in this aimless activity. I love to take photos in the beginning of a new season, right when it attempts to come in through the windows of my house. In the midst of last Fall, one late evening, I walked up to my kitchen window and took a few photographs before Fall got infatuated with and consequently consumed by the winter. 

Last month when I started to take pictures of Spring flowers, I went back to look at my 'Fall collection' (no pun intended). The picture I attached is the one that grabbed me instantaneously. In the bottom two panes you see the Fall leaves on the grass, in the top two panes you see the reflection of the kitchen and family room balcony. There are trees outside surrounding the light fixture reflection which is hanging inside. 

Like a perplexed person I kept staring at it and couldn't figure out how it happened. There has to be a scientific reason behind it, but who cares about the scientific or logical explanations; I saw what I saw! And what I saw was what was outside coming at and magically blending in with what was inside and creating such a dramatic image that it was hard to tell what was where. 

Although it could be as simple as your inward intention coming together with your outward behavior and creating a deed, it shouldn't be as simple as that. I see it as two worlds colliding while collaborating. Was it what was out there was inside or what was inside was out there? Soon enough, who I am inside had a head on collision with the person I am outside!

Although the journey that I took inside me should matter more than the journey I took outside, sadly it doesn't! The middle aged woman who gets up each morning to do good as well as bad in this world is much more noticeable than the woman who is inside her, living and breathing, kicking and screaming, crying and laughing. She is more noticeable not because she is visible but because she's the one who is better at the recursive process of collaboration. More importantly, she is the one with the home court advantage and the one who executes that prerogative brilliantly and is credited every time! 

At times both these women roll their eyes at each other, are condescending towards each other, criticize one another, try their best to harness the other, and play havoc with each other. But at the end of the day they are left with no choice but to collaborate to contemplate a fight to be given to life. 

I can be a self proclaimed advocate for anything I believe in this world, and I believe in collaboration. Every step that I have taken to this day has been a collaboration of my heart, my mind, and my soul and I wouldn't have it any other way. Your heart tells you to follow it blindly, as your mind dictates reason, while your soul kicks in, in time to be taken into account, and determines the best approach to solve or resolve. What I saw in my window last fall was not just a mere reflection of what was outside and what was inside, it was a reflection of my outer self, and it had the potential to be a life lesson, if you will, to lead a life weaved with the thread of collaboration. 

Every time I look at this enchanting capture, I dare to pick up the Fall leaves from the grass with a tremble in my hands. I implore the sky to come into my kitchen while peeking through the tall trees. I try to drag light fixtures and balcony railings outside and each time I fail. Perhaps, like many other things in my life, it was meant to happen only once!

Much love,

Shehla

"The Perfect Shade"

"Hum Teri Yaad Se Katra Ke Guzar Jate Magar, 

Raah Mein Phoolon Ke Lab

Saayon Ke Gesu Aaye

Rang Baatein Karein Aur Baaton Se Khushboo Aaye

Dard Phoolon Ki Tarah Mehkey Agar Tu Aaye"

Hi everyone,

On the risk of sounding pretty shallow and quite superficial I am going to admit that the thing I adore right after my immediate family and friends is a tube of lipstick. It falls right before a cup of freshly brewed tea and not far off from a smile of my child. I have been romancing the shade of lipstick that is yet to be found (sadly not quite as adventurously as Kathleen Turner and Michael Douglas romanced The Stone). I have been chasing the perfect shade all through my adult life. 

It can be a drugstore brand priced at only $2.99, or a French brand from a fancy schmancy store, costing me my arm and my husband's leg. The kick is the same; with different price tags but nevertheless priceless! A tube of lipstick has an absolute power to turn an ordinary day, from my very generic life, into an extraordinary day. There is nothing a cup of tea or a tube of lipstick won't cure as far as my down days are concerned.  

Last month I went hunting for the perfect shade with two of my daughters. Standing at a makeup counter trying on different shades on the back of my hand is when I am the happiest as a woman. The three of us tried same shade, but it looked different on all of us. The sales girl's explanation is always that it's due to the difference in the pigmentation of our lips. I believe a tube of lipstick is more intelligent and thoughtful than that. Red lipstick is going to be red on everyone, but it's going to pick up on the essence of the lady who is wearing it and adapt to her soul just like a great fragrance or a good friend does!

I spent a day thinking about why a tube of color holds so much power over me. The obvious answer would be that I let it! But why not go for less obvious ones? Perhaps it makes me feel like a celebrity who is chased by paparazzi, perhaps it takes me to exotic islands where I have never been and for sure never will go, perhaps it takes my mind off my problems that I can't seem to solve, perhaps it takes me by hand and walks me towards escapism. It undoubtedly supports my denials with great panache and in stunning shades. 

It seems as all the colors from my desires, from my aspirations, and from my unfulfilled dreams have melted down into a tube of lipstick. Although I don't have that many hues in my personality, a tube of lipstick has stolen so many shades from me. I look at a new color from a new collection and think in my silly little head that it was only made for me. That's how this product of less than an ounce gets me and carries so much weight in my life. 

Having chiseled features, luscious lips, and expressive eyes (which are a paradigm of female beauty), might not be every woman's dream but it sure was mine. I am very well aware of the harsh fact that all mentioned above are God given, but a tube of lipstick is like a loyal friend that always keeps you in hope and abounds you with a promise of looking beautiful. And for that exuberance, at times I am tempted to pay even more than what it costs.  

I eagerly await any new line that comes out with new spring/summer/fall shades as I do for any of the four seasons. My daughters know of my indulgence and try to outdo each other in keeping me updated as well as educated about new formulas. 

To this day the pursuit for the perfect shade blended in with the right formula is on! This most harmless chase takes me places which might not even exist, at least not outside my head. The scarlet red takes me back to the day I got married, mod pink kicks in nostalgia from 70s, (the decade that belonged to me) poppy coral takes me on a one way flight to the Bahamas, ominous burgundy gives such a boost to my esteem and my confidence that for some odd reason no one messes with me the day I have it on. And the ultimate fuschia dictates, defines, as well as determines my femininity. 

I always tend to shop for a lifestyle that I certainly don't have. Since a lipstick here and there is not a huge bank breaking investment, it can easily be justified as one of the greatest pick me ups man invented for woman. The unfounded shade has been playing hard to get all through my life and I certainly don't mind this chase. My good friend asked me recently, what will I do if I find the perfect shade. I replied, "I have no intention of finding one or else I would have found it by now!".

Much love,

Shehla

"Unconditional"

"Teri Raushni Meri Khado-Khaal 

Se Mukhtalif Tou Nahee Magar

Tu Qareeb Aa Tujhe Dekh Loon 

Tu Wohi Hai Ya Koi Aur Hai

Sar-a-aaena Mera Aks Hai

Pass-a-aaena Koi Aur Hai"

Hi everyone,

Being painfully punctual throughout my life cheated me of the pleasure one gets from being fashionably late! I love going to dinner parties as overdressed as I can. I don't know where I got this notion in my head that it shows respect and honor to the hostess if I am all decked out for her occasion. 

We were invited to a small dinner locally and as always I was rushing in getting ready. My speed could only be justified if they were handing out prizes at the door for the very first five who entered. I looked at myself in the mirror for one last time to see if I was forgetting anything (not that I ever do), and if everything was intact. For a moment I thought I was looking at my mother.

That image startled me. Seeing her when I looked at myself was so surreal that I  panicked. I sat on my bed, closed my eyes out of sheer fear and wondered what happened. With little knowledge of human psychology, I am aware of the fact that sometimes we see what we want to see. 

Although to this day I have allocated my time, my energies, and my resources to the needs of my children just like my mother did to mine, the connection between a mother and her child boggles my mind. It's so real, yet so mystical, and my brain and my thought process never fail in failing me when I try to somehow contain it in my words. 

In my experience the only need that increases with time is a child's need for his mother. The time we start to think we need our mother perhaps not as much, is actually the time we need her the most. This need and one's vulnerability to all he can be vulnerable to synchronizes all through one's life. The need for your mother has countless faces and every face is as kind and as compassionate as a mother's face, and as needy and as desperate as a child's state of mind. 

Perhaps, she is the biggest forgiving entity God has created, perhaps she is endowed with the kindest heart as far as her children are concerned, perhaps she is blessed with eyes in which her children don't do any wrong, perhaps she chose to be the sacrificial lamb as well as the scapegoat on any given day. Despite all of which she gives to and gives up for her children, we are wrong in thinking that her love is unconditional. Actually it's the most conditional and most authoritative love you might experience in your lifetime. 

She expects respect, she demands honor, she asks to be loved in return and relishes to be cherished and to be missed, and the mother of all, she wants you to stay out of harm's way until the day she dies. She shapes her child the way her heart pleases, she doesn't cut the umbilical cord until she is ready. She expects him to fulfill her unfulfilled dreams, she claims a big chunk of her child's soul and resides in his heart like a queen even if she isn't around anymore. And that's the biggest card she plays!

The inner child in me at the age of 58 realizes and admits her need for her mother more than ever. My mother left my world almost three decades ago and it's high time that I start seeing her in the mirror instead of myself!

Much love,

Shehla 

"Side View Mirror"

"Makke Gayon Gal Mukdi naahi

Sau Sau Hajj Kar Aaiye

Ganga Gayon Gal Mukdi Naahi

Sau Sau Ghotay Khaaiye

Bulleh Shah Gal Taaiyon Mukdi

Main Nu Dilon Ganwaaiye

Chal Bulleya Chal Othe Chalye Jithe Sare Anney

Na Koi Saadi Zaat Pachhaane

Na Koi Saanu Manney"

Hi everyone,

I never considered driving a chore, I actually always thought of it as a 'get away' even if it was to my local Walmart. You give me an automobile that can hold enough gas to drive to the moon, and I'll probably end up there. My passion for driving suits my husband and my children very well as I am always at their beck and call as far as pick 'n drop is concerned. 

A couple of weeks ago we were going to pick up a relative from the John F. Kennedy airport. My son offered to drive so I sat in the passenger seat. Since I am always in the driver's seat, sitting in another seat was very awkward as I don't see myself there very often. I didn't know what to do with my hands so I put them to some good use and started texting my friends and my children. I exhausted Facebook, took a virtual tour of quite a few online store sites, made my grocery list for the whole month, picked a date and planned my next dinner party. Then I went on to contemplating an innovative strategy to get some money out of my husband and the mother of all, how to lay a guilt trip on my kids to get them home. 

After an hour of driving, we were approaching a beautiful sunset and the magnificent Verrazano Bridge simultaneously, with a killer view of the Atlantic Ocean in front of us. I've been to this particular spot numerous times but since I was always rushing, busy wrestling, and at times even dodging the notorious traffic of New York, I couldn't absorb the wonders of nature in abundance around me. I kept on photographing every angle as the ramp was winding at 360 degrees. 

As soon as I got bored of this, I quickly put my thinking cap on and took a leap of faith into some soul searching as I know I would always find something there. For the first time I realized that being in the driver's seat all through my life, I missed out on so many phenomenons that I could have observed, so many revelations I could have made only to myself. 

'Objects in mirror are closer than they appear' is what I have seen many times written on my side view mirror and very well know what it means! This time I read it without my hands on the steering wheel and figured out that it had even a deeper meaning to it than appeared! Dangers, insincerities, pitfalls, vulnerabilities, insecurities, adversities, and enemies are always closer than they appear. This is the very reason we are caught off guard when these atrocities come at us with all their viciousness. I considered myself warned and imprinted these words on the very corner of my brain that controls my susceptibilities and my idiosyncrasies. 

Although we are always told to look ahead and that it's a very practical way to live, keeping an eye on what's behind us is crucial as well. What's behind us is very well going to determine what's ahead of us. Perhaps we need a small square of reflective glass called the 'side view mirror' to see what’s behind us when we are in the driver seats of our lives. Peripheral vision is not sufficient to lead a life with no blind spots. Since whatever objects I saw in this mirror were in great perspective, it helped me look at some pertaining issues which were on my mind with different perspectives. 

Next time I go on a long road trip, I intend to jump in the back seat. I might be able to solve the energy crisis by the time I get back. If not the whole world's, at least of my own household. Taking a back seat in life is considered neither fun nor easy but might not be as bad as we think. We are so afraid to lose control over matters which we usually don't have to begin with. Leading an immensely subtle life might be the best thing happening to me. If I let go of the steering wheel, so to speak, I might even start to think big thoughts while still have the ability to relish small pleasures. 

With hindsight, I should never have been behind the wheel!

Much love,

Shehla