“Revamp”

“Sappan they puttar miter na bandey bhawein chuliaan dudh piayey 

Gai jawani feir nai aandi bhawein lakh khoorakan khaiyey”

Hi everyone,

This was about sixteen years ago. I was frantically looking through my closet to find something dazzling to wear to an upcoming wedding. I saw a fine fancy outfit from a few years back in the back of my closet which was beautiful but seemed outdated now. Suddenly, I recalled one of my friends telling me that how revamping classically beautiful clothes was her thing to do. 

There was a lot of embroidery on that particular outfit’s dopatta with thread mixed in with tilla. I decided to leave the dopatta as it was and opted to make a fresh outfit with somewhat similar kaam done on the front of the shirt and sleeves and get it tailored in the latest cut. I was in my Karl Ledgefeld mode and I thought I was going to introduce this outdated outfit to a brand new spectacular life that will save this endangered species of an outfit as well as save me some money and of course turn a few heads!

Since I had a time crunch I moved fast. After countless begging, pleading and consequently threatening calls to my tailor back home, losing the left side of my brain in the process, that outfit finally got done. I got it in the mail and opened the package with the greatest anticipation on my face and in my eyes, a designer level piece in my hands. I tried it on and me, myself and I looked ridiculous and me, myself and I felt like crying. The poor original doppata was totally on its own and was trying it’s utmost to hold on to it's originality and had trouble catching up to the fresh outfit which was being a little too fresh!

It took a painful few days for me to come to terms with the fact that I had messed up big time; I not only wasted my good money on this hybrid I still was in need of a good outfit for the wedding I had to go to. At the time I didn’t realize that subconsciously I was taking liberties with two different decades with an evocative contrast in their fashion strategies!

Learn to give away your possessions to someone who knows their value and can appreciate their worth. Let someone else who enjoy their originality. Let someone else add their very own style and flair to them. Learn to accept that their time in your life has passed and it’s no more. The same can be true for human relationships with all their complexities and intricacies. It’s a no brainer that as we grow and evolve our need for them in our lives keep shifting and our outlook at their worth keeps changing. There’s no need to hold on to and safe keep relationships which start to make us look nonsensical. There’s no need to keep going ahead with relationships which has the potential to take us into a dead end street and leave us stranded!

I guess I forgot how way too many classic songs have been slaughtered with sheer insolence when a new singer, simply being out of fresh ideas attempts at remixing and comes up with a concoction lethal enough and capable enough to give one a concussion if heard on an empty stomach. You can't mess with a classic if you are not Tom Ford, you can't put a new twist on a classic if you are not Karl Ledgerfeld, you can't revamp an old outfit without losing its originality, and you can't refresh an old relationship without losing it’s true spirit, a new turka and garnish can't bring a few days old daal to new life--believe me I have tried!

Much love,

Shehla

"Porous"

"Mujhe chhorh dey merey haal per

Tera kia bharosa hey chaaragar

Yeh teri nawazish-e-mukhtasar

Mera dard aur barha na dey

Woh uthein Hain lekey hom-o-sabu

Arrey O Shaheel kahan hey tu

Tera jaam leney ko bazm mein

Koi aur haath badha na dey"

Hi everyone,

At the risk of sounding insane I am going to admit that I am the happiest when I am doing my household chores. Particularly washing dishes is my most favorite thing to do as I believe besides the dirt and grease on the dishes my worries, my fears and my insecurities get washed off too with sink full of sudsy water. This daily ritual not only calms me down, it keeps my kitchen spic'n'span too. The very other day when I was done sponging my kitchen counter down, I looked at that 2×4 inch object with amazement like I never fully appreciated a sponge's utility before. It took me back in time. I look back quite often as that's the only way I know how to move forward. Nostalgia is the gift I give myself every single day as it keeps me going, it pats my back, it cheers me up, it cheers me on, it wipes my tears and it lessens my pain!

I spent most of my life surrendering my free will to anyone and everyone I cared for and even for the ones I didn't. Quite often I stayed back or was pushed back. Life's healthy and unhealthy pressures kept pushing me against my four walls and to survive in those four walls I became porous like a sponge. I started to absorb my surroundings and my circumstances and retained the knowledge and the power that came with it. I absorbed my sons' disappointments, my daughters' tears, my parents' wisdom, my husband's prerogatives, my siblings' devotion, my cousins' affection and my friends' confessions! I wanted to become indispensable to people in my life and knew that being porous was entailed!

While I was on that mission, I had picked up incalculable lessons; some brutal, some humane. I had picked up incalculable tears; some shed, some unshed, some cashed, some wasted. I  had picked up incalculable joys; some earned, some justified, some totally gratuitous. I had picked up incalculable relationships; some redundant and superfluous, some invaluable and productive!

The challenges that came with my ordinary life weren't that ordinary after all. They kept me on my toes, they tied me down, they made me jump out of my skin, they took everything out of me, they robbed me of my peace of mind, they got to my heart in way too many ways, and they played with my mind! Nevertheless, I still manage to walk around this world of mine with placidity, serenity and with my head held high. I walk away from relationships with my head held high. I walk into relationships with my head held high and I am unreservedly drawn to the people who I know are porous!

Much love,

Shehla