"Kaanch Ki Chooriyan "

Hi Everyone,

When I was a young girl I would love wearing "kaanch" bangles all the time, but since our school didn't allow us to wear them with our uniforms, I would only wear them on Eid holidays and family weddings. I feel I missed out on them as I missed out on so many things at that time. As they say, youth is wasted on young people. Those beautiful, colorful bangles were not fully appreciated by me, and more so not by others while they were on my young and delicate wrists as time for me to wear them went by so quickly. They were ME personified as they were as delicate as my being and as fragile as my heart at that time.

When I got married, among other jewelry, my in-laws gave me a set of twelve gold bangles. I didn't care for them much but my mother made it mandatory for me to wear them all the time as a new bride. After the weightless, colorful "kaanch" bangles that I loved wearing, these seemed like an imposition since they were a constant reminder of the fact that I was committed (or rather should have been committed). To me they were more like "handcuffs" than bangles. One day after a few years when I took them off to clean, I noticed that there were so many nicks and scratches on them, almost as many as on my soul, and ironically went unnoticed by me as mine did from everyone else. I started crying and my tears started to drop on my gold bangles, and to this day I believe that if God was looking, that scene must have stopped his universe for few moments.

I was not comfortable wearing them anymore since they were forcing me to face and acknowledge things that I didn't want to face and admit. The signs of neglect and mishandling that was evident on that piece of jewelry was slowly becoming evident on my face and body as well. I took them off and stowed them away from my eyes until the next time I went back home to Pakistan. I got them made into a heavy set of "kangans" as I thought bangles were a little too girly and their "khanak" was too noisy for me to wear. I don't know who adapted to who, but I became as sturdy as they were and they became as silent as I was.

I got tired of them as I did of so many other things in my life, but them being the only thing I could change, I decided to change them completely. I took them back home and asked my friend/jeweler Parveen to set them with diamonds all around them (nick and scratch proof diamonds). I asked her to put high polish on the golden surface so no one could see the signs of aging and erosion on them. They turned out to be exactly the way I wanted them, bold and classy.

Now I wear them all the time, and actually never take them off. If I look at them, I mean really look at them, I see myself, as they are symbolic of me. I look back at how I started as delicate, easily breakable, and easily replaceable as my "kaanch" bangles, which were not worth much, just nice to look at. I made a commitment in my life that gave me nicks and scratches but was as set in gold as my set of twelve gold bangles were, and couldn't break it. Eventually, by the grace of God, I got in a place in my life where I recognized my own worth and decided to set MYSELF in diamonds along with my bangles. There is so much that I have vested and invested in me that I don't lose any sleep over being replaced anymore.

What I learned over time is that where matter of heart and commitment are concerned, there is a very fine line between vulnerability and weakness and a strange connection between strength and vulnerability, as often times a woman's vulnerability gets a man, but only her strength makes him stay. I suggest you scotch guard your soul and safeguard your heart before you enter any commitment as I believe we should always protect our hearts. We should put it in a safe and lose the key if we have to, because this is the friend that will stay with us until our very last breath......so don't give it up easily. This is the strongest thing God blessed us women with, and we cannot allow anyone to turn it around and make it our weakness. In the process of learning how to protect my jewelry, I somehow learned how to protect my most precious possession: my heart.

Finally getting the perfect bangles for me was not that hard. All it took was a few trips to the jeweler, but getting to a place where I am in total peace with myself wasn't that easy. It took countless trips inside my being to recognize my tarnished soul, which at times was not that easy to recognize.

"Jitneeyaan tan mere te lagiyaan, tere ek lage e tu jaane

Ghulam Farid Dil othhe daiyee jithee agla kadar pachhane..."

Much Love,

Shehla