"Porous"

"Mujhe chhorh dey merey haal per

Tera kia bharosa hey chaaragar

Yeh teri nawazish-e-mukhtasar

Mera dard aur barha na dey

Woh uthein Hain lekey hom-o-sabu

Arrey O Shaheel kahan hey tu

Tera jaam leney ko bazm mein

Koi aur haath badha na dey"

Hi everyone,

At the risk of sounding insane I am going to admit that I am the happiest when I am doing my household chores. Particularly washing dishes is my most favorite thing to do as I believe besides the dirt and grease on the dishes my worries, my fears and my insecurities get washed off too with sink full of sudsy water. This daily ritual not only calms me down, it keeps my kitchen spic'n'span too. The very other day when I was done sponging my kitchen counter down, I looked at that 2×4 inch object with amazement like I never fully appreciated a sponge's utility before. It took me back in time. I look back quite often as that's the only way I know how to move forward. Nostalgia is the gift I give myself every single day as it keeps me going, it pats my back, it cheers me up, it cheers me on, it wipes my tears and it lessens my pain!

I spent most of my life surrendering my free will to anyone and everyone I cared for and even for the ones I didn't. Quite often I stayed back or was pushed back. Life's healthy and unhealthy pressures kept pushing me against my four walls and to survive in those four walls I became porous like a sponge. I started to absorb my surroundings and my circumstances and retained the knowledge and the power that came with it. I absorbed my sons' disappointments, my daughters' tears, my parents' wisdom, my husband's prerogatives, my siblings' devotion, my cousins' affection and my friends' confessions! I wanted to become indispensable to people in my life and knew that being porous was entailed!

While I was on that mission, I had picked up incalculable lessons; some brutal, some humane. I had picked up incalculable tears; some shed, some unshed, some cashed, some wasted. I  had picked up incalculable joys; some earned, some justified, some totally gratuitous. I had picked up incalculable relationships; some redundant and superfluous, some invaluable and productive!

The challenges that came with my ordinary life weren't that ordinary after all. They kept me on my toes, they tied me down, they made me jump out of my skin, they took everything out of me, they robbed me of my peace of mind, they got to my heart in way too many ways, and they played with my mind! Nevertheless, I still manage to walk around this world of mine with placidity, serenity and with my head held high. I walk away from relationships with my head held high. I walk into relationships with my head held high and I am unreservedly drawn to the people who I know are porous!

Much love,

Shehla