California Closets

"Paddh Paddh Ilm Hazaar Kitaaban
Kadi Apne Aap Nu Parhiya Nai
Ja Ja Warde Mandir Maseeti
Kadi Munn Apne Vich Warya Nai

Aiwein Larda Shaitaan De Naal Bandiya
Kadi Nafs Apne Naal Larya Nai
Aakhe Peer Bulleh Shah Aasmani Pharhna Eh
Jehda Munn Vich Wasda Ohnu Pharya Nai"

Hi everyone,

After having four children and constant traffic of guests, my husband and I felt that our present house was getting a little too small for us. We contacted a real estate agent, who was more than happy to show us new properties. In real estate, as the say, there are three things to look for: "location, location, and location". My husband followed that to the letter and asked the real estate lady to show us houses in areas which wouldn't have any resale problems.

The biggest complain that I had regarding our present house was that it didn't have enough closet space. Our closets would always be cluttered as they didn't have enough space or shelves to organize our stuff. So whenever we would go to the 'for sale' houses, while my husband would be checking out the backyard and knocking on the woodwork to check the quality, I would look through its kitchen quickly, and then run to the master bedroom closet to see if it had enough space. Since our requirements were way different from each others and always been all our lives, we had a very difficult time finding the right house. After couple of years worth of house searching we decided to buy a lot and build our own home.

It had to be my husband's dream house, a house he worked so hard for all his life. I have to admit I was not as passionate about it as he was. By this time I had six children and I could hardly manage them and couldn't care less about anything else. I didn't want much in this new house, but I definitely wanted a bigger and more organized closet. Our architect recommended a company called 'California Closets' which could help us with designing the inside of our closets. They sent their representative to meet us, to show us some designs and sketches. She was a beautiful young lady, so my husband was "sold" before she showed her portfolio. I still was very much interested in her sketches and took quite a long time to decide how I wanted them.

Our house took about two years to build and in 1997 we moved into it. Anwar was ecstatic about his achievement and I slowly started to warm it up with my childrens' laughter, and broke it in with their muddy shoes and their sticky fingerprints. The first time I went into my walk-in closet, I felt quite 'tahi-daaman' as I felt I didn't have enough personal belongings to fill it with. I hope and pray that I don't feel as 'tahi-daaman' when I face my creator on the Day of Judgement. This closet had built-in shelves and a lot of rods to hang clothes. I thought I should add a safe (for my jewelery) to my closet as well. My 'bright' idea was vetoed right away by my husband who thought it would be too expensive at this point to break the wall and put a built-in safe. After couple of fights, of course I gave up. It didn't take too long to fill my walk-in closet to the top as I went on a shopping spree for the next few years.

The shelves that I got built in my walk in closet were done very smartly. It had a top, quite hard to reach shelf where I put my sentimental stuff like my wedding dress and my parent's old photographs. On the second shelf, that I had easier access to and was eye level, I put my everyday clothes. On the third shelf I stored my Shahtoosh and Pashmina shawls, things I didn't need all the time. On the bottom one, which was hard to see, I put my 'impulse buys' like costume jewelry, random western dresses, things I would never use, but will never give away since they are a good reminder for me not to splurge again. I stored my clutches and fancy shoes in the original boxes and piled them on one long open shelf on the opposite side, and hung my party wear on the long rods. Everyday when I would walk into this closet to grab something, I would pause for few moments to admire my organization skills.

Pretty soon life started to run and I started having trouble catching up. On an insane day when I would not have control on anything in my life (including my children) and the whole house would be upside down, I would sneak into my closet, see how everything was still in its place and take a deep breath and would come out ready to combat the insanity around me. I would grade it as free session with my therapist.

A few months back I started my spring cleaning, and went at it with a vengeance and was already in my 'Psycho Shelly' mode. My walk-in closet was my last project. I have this ritual that I perform every year in my walk-in closet where I stand in the middle of it and look around. I look at all my personal worldly belongings and thank my Lord, then my husband (I must add, in that order), and then decide to give some of my clothes and shoes for charity.
As I was going through all my shelves and started admiring my organization skills one last time, all of a sudden, a lightbulb turned on in my head: Why couldn't I sort out and shelf my emotions, my feelings, my relationships, plus everything else important in my life like this?

I put my ego and my emotions of love, which I believe are the two most overrated things in this world, on the top, hard to reach shelf. From then on I would get a stepping stool and reach out for those two 'trump cards' when I was pushed against a wall. Given my past history, I don't think I will be needing this stepping stool very often.

The next shelf, which was eye level, I put things that I wanted to stay very clear about, like my absolute faith in my Creator, my relentless fights against my 'nafs', my lifetime lessons, my commitment to my family, my loyalty to my friends, my hard earned credibility, my humility, my compassion, my power to empathize, and my ability to resolve.

On the third shelf I put things that needed my periodic attention, like broken promises, my broken heart, my 'shikwas' to my Creator, my dua'as for my loved ones, my deeds from my clan, my tenacity, my self reliance, and my gut feeling.

On the bottom shelf, which is hard to see, I put things that I would never want to deal with, like my sorrows, my regrets, my apologies, my disappointments, my denials, my pains, my scars, my failures, and my falls.

The safe that I could not build in this closet, I started building in my being. The rubies, the emeralds, the pearls, and the diamonds that I collected all my life and paid good money for, are stashed safely in my bank's safe deposit box, which I pay yearly rent for. The gems that I started gathering, since the day I started walking, which are priceless, required to be handled with more care. I took my Ammi's mehak, my Abbi's shaan, my sister's touch, my brothers' maan, my daughters' tears, my sons' aan, my friends' laughter, my cousins' affection, my husbands' trust, my maiden name on a torn piece of paper, the life altering moments when I left my parents home, glimpses from my 'bachpan', and a big chunk of my soul and stashed them in this built-in safe. I locked it, and chose to forget the combination.

I 'came out of closet' with a big grin on my face, and for that, I thank you California Closets.


Much Love,
Shehla